and its only when i'm truly comfortable

do I feel the unabashed need to erratically and without warning alter my world to the point of no recognition. Its not sadness - it's just comfort. It's a constant and consistent need for nomad.

Maybe I just need to travel. Like, really travel.

Today I revisited

and noticed some patterns. I can tell from my writing when I'm starting to see someone new. I hate my writing when I'm seeing someone new. It's like a desperate cry for attention.

I also write best when I'm procrastinating. Maybe that's why I over involve myself with things. For the 2 hours of supreme stress before deadline that I become excited to write.

Anyway, I really hate my tumblr. It's so public. I guess I'll just come back to blogspot in secret :)

2010, too legit

started this back in the 06 days of xanga and so I continue. Will allow myself to edit 2010 stuff till January.

2010 Resolutions/Accomplishments (combined for the first time)

• Find my vocation, get accepted into grad school
  
• Start a band, or have a steady influx of jam buddies
  
• Start a company whether that be our jewelry idea or a simple etsy store
• Move out of SD, plus five for an international move
  
• Be less quick to judge -- hear my inner bias but don't express it.
• Keep in contact with everyone I still talk to regularly, whether that be through emails, calls, messenger pigeon
• Donate to a political campaign - really believe in it though
  
• Volunteer with something completely unrelated to my career so as not to confuse humanitarian with ambition
• Live minimal
• Remain self sufficient
• Find 5 musical/literary/visual artists that I sincerely like and learn to keep up with. Do not revert to college interests when discouraged.
  

OLD RESOLUTIONS Revisited

Desired 2009 Accomplishments

• Get to NY, or at least have a solid plan of doing so by 2010.

Currently applying to three ny summer publishing intensives and got 944's endorsement even after the throwdown with my editor. Also looking into NYU's BER program if I can secure 2 business journal experiences in LA next january. BER is cool. You get a full time internship at the news desk for WSJ or Dow Jones or Economist..thus ensuring your baller-ness as a reporter. And by reporter ballerness I mean 35K (blergh!)

• Sustain myself with my own income

YEA! Not only myself but my new puppy. And not only sustain but live comfortably enough to think about opening a jewelry store. Yea..money is dope.

• Live in Hillcrest

PB is the frat bros hillcrest and honestly its all the same. As long as I can cruise around and shop at thrifts I am good.

• Have a bitchin' playlist

YEA! Thanks to mtg a buncha ppl who reminded me of music. I mean, by bitching we're talking indie hipster tunes circa 2005. But this emo business makes me unbearably happy and I'm glad I now have friends who concur.

• Collect all Kevin Smith movies

Got Netflix. Negatory.

• Freelance for SD Magazine

Too busy churning out bullshit technical crap for VoIP and equally obscure niche industries. So no.

• Finish a book, or at least a short story I'm proud of
  

Came to terms with the fact I am not that kind of writer. I like honesty in writing. And I don't have enough life experience to convey my version of truth and have it be remotely interesting. So, putting an indefinite hold on this one. And I realize I don't see third person stories, I see way subjectively. It is frustrating when trying to re-tell.

2009 Resolutions

• Be more active/adventurous. Reconnect with love for biking, try surfing more diligently once I thaw out

I bike lots, tried surfing more than in 2008 and am pretty satisfied with my hiking/exercise regimen. SWEET!

• Don't catch myself hanging out with people I don't really like, learn to keep in touch with the ones I do

yay for 2nd, nay for first. But I am significantly better at awareness.

• Write more, read more

yea, realized writing for work ain't all that great. Reading a lot more though, I think Europe and utter boredom helped a lot.

• Make a darn webcomic

nay

2008 Resolutions

• Get Abs

ha!

• Don't fall in love again

ha i am just a creature of love. love for work, friends, ppl, moments, music..I accept

• Don't catch myself doing something I don't care about

this is the same thing as that 2009 resolution in a different outfit. i'm unoriginal

• Don't over-think experiences

wow, i was way obscure. I think this is just me.

To incite change a decision must be made

but its the after decision that I way fear.

Now that I've quit my job, granted I have the longest resignation schedule known to mankind, I am fucking freaked.

The thing is I don't want $, I want professional fulfillment and intellectual stimulation which is hard to find in a month-long job hunt. Chen pointed out my obsessive tendency to spread my job hunt thin, so I've created a schedule. Here it is:

Week 1: Public Affairs/Non-profits, public policy research (DC area)
http://www.policyjobs.net/
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wl/jobs/home
http://www.idealist.org
Coro Fellowship: http://www.coro.org/site/c.geJNIUOzErH/b.4667963/k.725D/Coro_Fellows_Program.htm
CAP: http://www.americanprogress.org/
Nonprofit Oyster: http://www.nonprofitoyster.com/
USA Jobs/federal jobs: http://www.usajobs.gov/

Week 2: Book publishing / magazine publishing - EA type positions (SF or NY area)
NYU BER PRogram - Impressive NYU J-School in Business reporting
Stanford Publishing Website - High quality editorial jobs


CHRISTMASTIME - 1 week off

Week 3:
Tech sector Communications PR / Tech sector editorial (SF or SD area)

JANUARY 2 thousand freakin ten

Week 4:
Arts Communications or administrative / SD positions (n/a)

Week 5:
Economics/Business Analyst type positions and/or Financial Reporting (any area)

Week 6:
Los Angeles positions - Fashion PR (reliant on the fact I have no previous luck)

SUNDANCE!! (Goal: get job by sundance so I can watch indie movies in peace)

alright I am obsessed. But I will be posting helpful sites on this blog to help myself with this process.

Pitchfork reviews Bradford Cox, amuseument ensues

"Some musicians listen to records to see how they work, check out the competition, or trawl for ideas; by all available evidence, Cox feels records, deeply. If he was born without musical gifts and couldn't sing or play an instrument, one can imagine him working at a record store, amassing an enviable collection while driving people on a message board crazy with the sureness of his detailed opinions."

so true