frolic

[strawberry fields, forever]

[i left my heart..40min from san francisco]

fitting title for the impropriety that went down 300 miles north of here this week. A crap load of realizations, and my heart goes out to brent's note-blog on reverting to your roots. It's that age old nursery song- "make new friends, but keep the old..yadidada gold". precisely

pictures, naturally, to come. but words first: I saw the bay in a different light this time. Maybe it was the smaller group chill factor, maybe it was because the light really was different, since we woke up in time to explore the city, but it was kind of awesome. Car ride down was non-stop girl talk, something that's a rarity these days. Flo's aunt is pretty amazing, lives this liberal life, and we got to sip on dessert wine to kick it off. We each got our own bed, but freaky tree outside proved a hurdle to solo sleep. Hence, me and jars ended up not sleeping till 5..which, bit, but was tight since I haven't had long ass convos in a while

Day1:
discovered the shittines of 4 buck toll, and met up with anton&lingad who were AWESOME chauffeurs for our 8 hour shopping spree. we went to haight, which is basically the mother ship of free thinking, grass lovin, all natural, naturally chill hippies. Definitely got lost, and wandered away like I do so well, but chowed down with the best damn beef panang @ the best of thai. Ed&company brought us to the wondrous hippie hill, which was basically, heaven. He said alice & wonderland status, and I was a skeptic, but it was all that and then some. After being torn away, from the place I knew I was destined to reside in, we toured union square. It was awesomely commercial, but retail therapy always hits the spot. Notable mention: the hundreds store is really freaking sick. it looked like a "disneyland ride" as jars had said.

[we're off to see the wizard]

[a tree][in awe]

After suffering near exhaustion, we went back to Vallejo. Decided we were all going to hit up that skylark bar in frisco, so drove back to the city after getting ready. Oh, indecision. Sick shit though, it was definitely worth it =). They were playing the chillest music, and the entire atmosphere was good vibes. I was just stoked I got into a real, live, 21+ bar, and I'm sure I let it take me too far. ha, regardless, $9 patron and a corona deal certified a bitchin' time with bitchin' people. The car ride back completely went over my head, for I was passed out the instant my ass touched chair. sweet

Day2:
Woke up significantly later than itinerary had allowed. On top of that, we all just kind of chilled in bed for 4 hours. Ha! analyzing porn, and figuring out our pornstar names. We've finally discovered anton's troubled past in dealing with his addiction to child molestation, and coined him "little lupe". Lingad shall now be knighted "and boyfriend". Anjelica- "Monrovia mono", Flo- "Valencia Vagina", and I- "Chino Hills Cooch". Clever. Didn't leave vallejo till 4, but me flo and jars took to the city with a purpose. Visited china town, ran into the SI boys, ate bomb diggity shrimp and walnut delights, and got horribly lost. We ended up walking a couple miles in completely the wrong direction, whenever we attempted to go somewhere, but I think that's what tourism entails. Visited the museum of modern art, which was fucking awesome. There were a couple of really gnarly video installations, and seeing a OG duchamp replica was tight. Notable mention: the tour guide was asking what we saw in one of these abstract paintings, to which andrew replied "red panties". at the next painting, which was basically a large red square she asked the same question, to which he almost replied "red panties in a microscope". ha!

I found the dopest coloring book, in the world, but my depleting bank account proved to be an obstacle. Goddamn, good shit though. Ended up chilling in Daly city for a little, and just goin back to the home sweet 24 wal mart, on a random sidetrip. Passed out relatively early, but pretty good end of a chill ass, spontaneously planned, bay trip.



overall, thanks you guys for makin spring break 08' quite memorable. I heart you all, and we will do arizona, catalina, palm springs, yosemite, oregon, the world, one of these days.

(all photos courtesy of anjelica's bitchin' camera and our temporary paparazzi named ray)

like a story

"don't live your life like a movie"

for once in my life I don't wanna hide behind standard lines, behind terse, typically inebriated, conversations. I'm searching for something, and I can't find it, because I can't accept I've ever found it. I've had these really long involved conversations with people lately, a lot of it analyzing ourselves, a lot of it analyzing the world, and none of it really equating to anything. I miss being okay with not doing anything at all, without painting the town, without. I don't know how to express angst anymore, tastefully, that is. so of course, my natural conclusion is I miss love

well, love was never really anything I experienced. It was a painting I created after I experienced it. And it's this painting I pull out of my pocket every time I feel any kind of void. and point at it, and scream yes! that was it. look can you not see?! and nobody cares to see. and I'm transfixed. it could be some evolved form of narcissism. like the artist looking admirably at her surrealist self portrait. they'll never get the way you painted it, in fact, you may not ever get it the same way you did when you painted it. it's funny like life

It was easter today. Though I spent it eating an Afghani feast with an old friend, sipping margaritas in poolside la jolla, reading this existential murder mystery book, it was lacking something. maybe it was love. maybe it was just the wrong temperature. Shit if I know, I think the two confuse themselves quite prettily. in fact, any sign of discontent and i'm pulling out that damn painting. see?! that's when it made sense. when all of it fit, when I could find the derivative, the sine, cosine...when Fibonacci was all nature needed to be, when entropy wasn't a factor, when a person was constant and not a variable.

It's quite hard for me to share my life with a person, because I feel like a lot of people are too preoccupied with their own. and it's awesome.. that independence exists. and my main mantra is probably independence with females, power to you. but who said a life alone was more productive. I'm not referring to romantic ties, but companionship..that's the key, yea.

because i spy via computer

wow. she would hate me. but I love her, and she's so deeply sincere when she does her no holds back, soul searching art. Some things will always and never make sense

I think, when someone makes you their world. The first thing you want to do is run a million miles in the opposite direction. and you usually do

seriously

oh! funny- my mom left an online comment on my first article ( i know i know, how cute right) and it was so..motherly =). She is so strange but I love her for that, and I attribute all my quirks to the wonderful woman I call madre.

"Carmella B. Buquid, Unregistered

Great article !!! Are you now officially working for The Guardian? Are you going to have an article published regularly from now on? Do you choose the topic to write about, or is the topic assigned to you? Anyway, I am sure you already know this ... you write extremely well. Keep up the great work !!!"

haha. I love that she always signs with her middle initial, even in an informal online comment. I think it's her version of feminism, keeping her middle B and all. I really miss home because it was such a damn adventure everyday. My family was amazingly unpredictable. From the hermit sister whom I adore, to the eccentric attention seeking mid life crisis mother, add in the the aunt with a boob job working as a Hollywood extra, and then the obnoxious korean "half brother"...I really can't think of a more motley crew. My desire to write comes from me realizing how completely insane the first part of my life was, and how I can't ever forget how hilarious every ironic moment was.

I'm way amped about the shit I'm involved in now. I really want to do a dance team though, but I'm scared of the repercussions and spreading myself too thin. Again. You'd swear I'd have learned.

I'm studying the middle east and still don't know much about the details. I find it so damn interesting though, but never really knew how to jump into it. Up until I took this class I've been the standard American in the dark about war, WMD's, foreign policy with Iran, blah blah. And I'm still the standard American in the dark, but I'm really trying. It's not absorbing, and everything is so complex over there. I want to go there and figure things out first hand. I'm reading Who Killed Daniel Pearl? and it's further solidifying my desire to be a journalist, and moreso, a journalist in a crisis region. There's a reason I want to explore every chance I get, and there's a reason I've never been fully convinced of any truth. It's because I need to discover it on my own, not take anyone else's truth for truth. I can't suppress this "itch" with a 9 to 5.

I will travel the world. I know it. I've known it since I was 7 and made it a point to get lost at every single supermarket, mall, retail area i went to. I've known it since I snuck out of my house every night in high school, not to drink, or get high, but to explore unchartered territory. I've known it since every beatnik cliche touches me, no matter how many times I hear it. I just, know. and now I have to figure out how to get by in a capitalist world, with this highly romantic-bohemian-whatever view of how life should be lived.

Sidenote: I enjoy getting drunk and flowing "emo" style. I enjoy music when I'm inebriated, and learning cheesy adam sandler songs that I hate listening to but love hearing myself play. I do not enjoy captain crunch shakes @ Carl's Jr. because they are nasty. But I do enjoy khaki colored chili cheese fries. when high. I have a secret vendetta against blockbuster for having the earliest closing time I've ever heard of. But a bigger bone to pick with those stupid redboxes that will monopolize and modernize the video store industry I've loved since I was a child. I enjoy running meetings, though don't know how many more I'll be able to be involved in before I graduate (I think i'm doing a meeting binge these days). I loathe my trashy apartment, but can't bring myself to clean it due to my busy life (or inherent laziness). I want a guitar, and talent. the end

mister roboto

(this was supposed to be updated 2 days ago but apparently didn't save. damn.)

aside from the fact my opinion was completely neglected in my opinion article, I'm quite happy to see my name on paper. I just wish it wasn't for such shittiness. I'm grateful to artchie and becca who seriously pushed my lazy ass, brent who'd sift through my thoughts at 3am in the mornin, and sherwin who is always critically analyzing my aspirations and gave me direction on this one. thanks.

I cried today, for maybe the third time in my life. It's weird, when it gets you. Or maybe you want it to get you. Anyways, board meeting/retreat/bonding time instigated it. I'm starting to realize how emotionally void I've been, and completely get where and who it comes from. Still, I can change a little. It's not like I'll be a never ending fountain o' tears from this point on, I'll just be more in tune with my inner me. Or whatever

It really is cathartic though. Especially when people you didn't think gave a rat's ass express interest in your life. And it's probably the hour and a half of feeding our egos that did it, but I love that KP is a place for that. Everyone needs a lil' lovin y'know. And with the stuff I was talking about today..it's just been a while since I've talked about shit that I've blocked. And even when I do it's completely skin deep.

So thank you to those who are there for me when I don't say much, but just need to be around people who get that not saying much speaks volumes.

I had a good conversation over chirashi for lunch, and just realized how rare these come by. I lie, it's not too rare since I had an even better one less than 48 hours ago. But it's moments like these where I seriously feel more than plastic. Thinking back to first year, me and tone's 4 hour conversation over korean BBQ was probably a highlight of the entire year. oh wow, so profound - deep conversations=good, shallow conversations=bad. How learn-ed am I.

I really do cherish all the talks I have though =). I just love people who like to waste hours on just being with each other. Another human being is the greatest kind of adventure. (I feel like i ripped this off some cheeseball of a movie..oh well)

ps-i want this bad

Rollebon

I found you in Sartre today-

"I could imagine him so well if I let myself go: beneath his brilliant irony which made so many victims, he was simple, almost naive. He thinks little, but at all times, by a profound intuition, he does exactly what should be done. His rascality is candid, spontaneous, generous, as sincere as his love of virtue. And when he betrays his benefactors and friends, he turns back gravely to the events, and draws a moral from them. He never thought he had the slightest right over others, any more than others over him: he considered as unjustified and gratuitous the gifts life gave him. He attached himself strongly to everything but detaches himself easily." -Nausea

It's march. again





encore!

"Everyone else is an adventure for a moment. You were a neverending adventure. We were bonnie and clyde, we were tom and huck, we WERE! we didn't conform. we didn't get what the fucking norm was. we were cocky son of a bitches but we were together on every wavelength. Your existence made me realize THIS is LIFE and I am a living, feeling, vibrant entity. I know I did the same for you, don't you dare say I didn't because you're scared.

I'm coal now. You're constantly drugged up. This is not natural or organic. It's hideous, and we can change it can't we. I know you miss the innocence because me and you are same. I know you're bored of her, tell me you're bored of her. There's no goddamn way she'll interest you as much as our fucked up moment was.

I want the game, nobody plays the game anymore. Everyone is so content with being bored and boring and stupid and old. I want to fuck formality, pierce professional, and just be a child. A child in love. A child with an energy that lights up the world. That's excited to run and jump, make a friend and give them everything in a heartbeat. Not be afraid of what that friend's baggage is or how many people that friend has slept with before befriending them. All that matters when you're a kid is if the friend can run as fast as you and if they like playing your games. I loved playing your games. we loved eachothers games, and I have faith they can still exist.

You make my mind run. You leave me mentally breathless. stop"

pcc

I've been in some form of a PCN every year for the last 7 years. it's a little crazy how we get into this comfortable place, and can just never leave. relationships do that, friendships do that, i'm sure in the future, jobs will do that. well Filipino clubs did it for me, and it scares me how i might, edit, will have to leave this place soon. very soon. After coordinating last year, and taking a step back from that this year, I guess I'm weaning myself off

but i'll still fight for veteranos, for breaking down stereotypes, against sex trafficking, for more accurate media representations of filipinas, for expression. just, maybe not all the time anymore. just, maybe I'll encompass my life around other things now. and it's scary. and it's different, but it's very possibly a good thing like change is good and maturing shouldn't always be bad. not that the last 7 years were bad, they were incredible, life changing, but everything goes stale eventually, it just matters how well you digest things. except for maybe astronaut ice cream.

if anyone is familiar with my take on filipinio organizations, you know it's been a rough one. From wikipedia-ing filipino, to trying to get my grandparents story in a skit last year, to trying to read classics to understand what the damn culture really is, i think we all have issues with the whole 2nd generation shtick. I mean, it's past vs. present, culture vs. cool, parents vs. me, dilemma shmemma.

I just, know i love people in this club, and i love this familiar bond you get around this time of year, and i love that we dance to eye of the tiger and nsync, and i love that people don't leave middle earth for forever, and i love that we're still trying figure out how that alicia keys song goes on piano, and i love that every hip hop song evokes sexual cheers of encouragement, and i love being swiped, and i love that everyone really loves attention and doesn't hide it. I love that me and Brent can go through 4 years of hip hop in our heads, i love how i still fuck around like mad crazy at practice, i love seeing new leaders talking about the things older leaders did when i was a 1st year, i love how nobody gets this who doesn't experience this.

I love how my blogs from 2008 are so similar to the ones from 2002 in regards to pcn. The people are different, but just as beautiful; and the purpose is the same and just as significant.

(i have peter pan syndrome to the worst extent)