i'm in love with vladimir nabokov

opening- "Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta. She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita. Did she have a precursor? She did, indeed she did. In point of fact, there might have been no Lolita at all had I not loved, one summer, an initial girl-child. In a princedom by the sea. Oh when? About as many years before Lolita was born as my age was that summer. You can always count on a murderer for fancy prose style. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the seraphs, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged seraphs, envied. Look at this tangle of thorns."

I've read that to more than a handful of people. how engaging! long live the tragicomedy

yes

i love redecorating my place.

on a saturday

it's been a while since I've had some much deserving, sincerely me time. I miss it a little, really do.

Yesterday I saw Zandi at the cross cultural all peoples celebration. Zandi is basically amazing on all levels, going on a traveling NY Broadway troupe this year with a starring role even though she just graduated last year. Whenever I talk to that girl I'm so inspired and feel every ounce of passion she exhibits whenever on stage. It was awesome because she was talking about how if I ever go to NY and need a friend, or have questions about it, she's only a call away. And there are people who just say that, and people who mean it, and I believe she is the latter. She said NY was a place for people like us, and i just can't wait anymore..yay inspiration

other than that, my life's been a whirl of interviews, Filipinos, internship, writing, and...uhm..school? oh yea that. to finally sit and fully absorb Deathcab's new album in Saturday's waking hours, is some kind of miracle.

Memorial weekend should be chill on all accords. Though there's my ex roomies bday tomorrow, the 944 party later, a 4th year outing, and finally a spaces gala tonight..I'm thinking they'll all be somewhat chill. Edit. I'm, hoping, a lot. I need to regain my bearings, hang out with the people I should be catching up with, and just bask in life's beauty. I have the apartment to myself this weekend, and couldn't be more excited to morph into OCD-Buquid and have my way with it.

I've also been thinking a lot about how feelings for a person, are beyond thought. How when you like someone, it's impossible to vocalize why, and when you do, it's all kinds of stupid. Up till this point I've been able to neatly bullet point every reason why I'm attracted to person A/B/C/etc, attributing my "liking" for a person to his musical aptitude, gpa, or love for books. I'm talking about years of this systematic determining of my new beau. It's when someone really messes with that system, that you realize that nothing about emotion is definable. It's the anomaly defying this fine tuned machine, that makes you throw out the unworkable scraps. funny huh

RIP brain cells

this weekend has drained every last bit of any mental capacity. From sungod to semi this post is a memorial for this millions of dead brain cells due to collegiate festivities. Though sungod sucked ass relative to previous years, I still had a motherfuckin' blast and can't wait to live up this last year of college. I feel like life is coming full force, and must relish these bouts of immaturity before i sign my soul to the man, and stuff.

Started off semi with something I foresee becoming a tradition, 6am kick off @ silver fox. All events that followed are somewhat of a blur, but notable mention was my random trip to buffalo when shopping for our sweatshop free fashion show this week. Imagine that, inebriated thrifting for a bunch of clothes I didn't need to pay for..dream come true or what. Best part had to be Roel's obsession w. white boots and my prancing around buffalo as super space cadet christina.

Then there was rock climbing, cutting in line multiple times with lisa, and randomly seeing everyone and their mom's @ ihouse when i brought my ading la jager. A lot of a laughing, a little nausea, and a whole crapload of people i haven't seen in ages equates to your very standard swankified sungod.

Though sean kingston was as brilliantly plain as predicted, say anything was surprisingly enjoyable and coheed was a spectacle. his hair is the shit, and would have a lovechild with that cousin it of a creature just for being so bad ass.

Saturday woke up with the world's most heinous hangover, definitely needing some of that pho fix. Tsismis-ed with the rave crew I guess? Jon Jars Phil and Meng know how to ease that hangover, especially with the beauty of sugar in pho. Who'dve thought huh. Anyway, semi after that was...well..good when the ball started rollin

Apprehensive over my buffalo fit' manglala & roel coerced me into buying, it took a while for my to just kick back in my sobriety and have a good time. After a desperate run to food4less, white russians did us good and we hotel partied it up. Running around throwing petals everywhere in our room was apparently a stupid idea when the kahlua wore off, and jumping up and down with rics and idelle on the bed was so nostalgic =).

Semi is always so different for me. It's only been a year and how dramatically different my life has become continues to amaze me. It's a good amazement though, for the most part.

Today has been nonstop getting my shit together after a weekend of impropriety. SPACES interview to SDAFF street team meeting to SDAFF screening of Iris Cheng to CAP rice bowl to Fashion Show outfit choosing...nonstop. but busy in the best way possible

and here I rest..nestled in my favorite geisel spot. Completely procrastinating my paper on the Iranian Revolution like i've done time and time before, by blogging pointlessly to you dear blogspot. Oh, life =)

call me elementary

but i really enjoyed this. it felt unexpectedly real, or just hit home without having any legitimate relevance to my life, or maybe I just needed a downright good ol' chick flick. Regardless, nothing works better than some of that blockbuster therapy any given Thursday.

I feel like the whole movie was somebody's life, all facts in check. From occupations to character habits, the writer basically took his/her life and broadcasted it to the world, nothing compromised. Though Reynolds is one of those Jason-Biggs can't comprehend your credibility type characters, and the Dakota Fanning protege-child got on my last nerve, I wound up enraptured.

hello my name is

christina and on paper, i work. I have this wonderful internship that I can't figure out why I deserve, my future is bright at the brink of my early twenties, I have a guitar and books that I am addicted to, I run almost daily now so that my endorphin count is at an all time high, and I have a milieu of characters who come in and out of my life to pass the time. I'm writing almost constantly, which is great because it really is my passion. To convey to the world and try to translate the incomprehensible is a challenge I will always be up for. There's something I don't have though, and i'm not sure what it is.

I'm not sure I've ever had it. Even in my state of utmost contentment I think I've always been searching. It's weird because I'm completely aware of every part of me. I love art and expression but hate it's obscurity and it's disconnect from the rest of the world. I long to be connected at every moment to everyone, and life just isn't set up like that. I connect to words and songs like no other, more than other people sometimes. I read biographies to see how other people are doing things, and I finally conclude that everyone is always searching. Either that or have lost respectability.

I think a lot and wish that other people expressed how much they think. I'm sure everyone thinks a lot, but it's rare for people to be comfortable enough to express their confusion since by this point people feel they should be figured out. Because that's what life says. I constantly wonder why I am the way I am and attribute it to my childhood. A lot.

words immortalized by larsen- "Life's short, let's share it". perfect

back in love

so my love affair with written words was put on a 10 year hiatus due to inevitable puberty, social conformity bouts, a wanting to do exactly opposite of what teachers told me to, etc. Regardless, I'm back in my autodidact state, inclined to consuming anything print, and stopping at nothing short of scanning the enquirer(I'm talking about keeping tabs on paris hilton k, my appetite's that insatiable). My ubiquitous ADD serves as somewhat of an impediment, for I find myself starting dozens of books and not even reaching the middle. That said, here's my list of what I want to finish this quarter..let my online declaration keep me accountable

i want to feel like this

all the time. (from Murakami's exhibition @ MOCA this last winter)


good weekend, at least prior to cramming two papers due tomorrow. Danceism @ LA was quite an interesting experience. I love meeting people and had so much fun at 4am chilling on the sidewalk downtown LA whith phil, anj, and 3 new beautiful strangers - abby, laney, and jae, belching our lungs out to rilo kiley's picture of success. I wonder if things really are meant to be..if I just so happened to approach jae for a reason. Not exactly sure what was racing through our nerves, but I knew when he understood Tegan&Sara's-call it off, that this moment was pristine. I'm silly, but rightfully so! It's some kind of wonderful when you connect with someone, and it's not shallow or predetermined, but cathartic.

Saturday. Went to the beach for KPSTAR shiznit where I basically did nothing for 15 min but wish I was in the water. Then phone banked @ Arlie Ricasa'a campaign office. Jared met one of his dad's college bro's, and I inevitably won a $4 bet for schmoozing the most constituents over the phone. It's weird how hard it is to coerce people to do something, but once you follow through, it's completely worth it. They had the greatest filipino s'getti and we all just kicked back and talked the shit out of strangers. Then onto Philo's bday @ CPK. Pretty good turnout for super last minute planning, and then went to catch the 11:15 for Ironman (sadly, made of honor was sold out, sigh)

Ironman was the shit. Robert Downey Jr. was a pleasant surprise, and the technology was brilliant. I never really noticed how great an actor he was until I just now imdb-sidetracked and realized how much I've liked some of his stuff. I completely forgot he did kiss kiss bang bang or a scanner darkly, I think his wino rep overshadowed his talent. What's awesome is the movie is clever enough to draw subtle references to his alcoholism and a sequel.

The whole comic book adaptations trend is seriously bitchin and i'm quite excited for the dark knight. I think it'll be pretty unsettling to watch Ledger like that, but Christian Bale is incredible and with the director of memento, it'll be sure to please. And then Hulk (I'm sorry, the incredible hulk) with Norton, holy crap. Talk about all star cast for every single damn comic movie coming out.

Anyway, slept over @ sean taylor where I apparently frustrated the hell out of those darned sleepers with my 5 am sunrise serenades. Ha, oh bonding is fun. I want to have more sleepover sleepovers, pillow fights, truth or dare, whole shabang type of thing. Drinking game for every time Juno said a 4+ syllable word (we tried 3+ at first, and decided we didn't want to get plastered). Waiting to go to VSA culture night in a bit, and am wondering when I'll get to finish (let alone compel myself to start) my papers due for the revolution class tomorrow.

[in light of my current dorky fascination w. superheroes]

Your results:
You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern 90% Batman 75% Superman 75% Spider-Man 70% Hulk 70% Iron Man 70% Wonder Woman 53% Supergirl 53% The Flash 50% Robin 45% Catwoman 45%

Hot-headed. You have strong will power and a good imagination.

zip zilch nada focus

I think what happens... When you have a conversation with someone you haven't talked to in forever, and it "feels like they know you" better than anyone presently in your life, that it means something. Ask me this a year ago I'd conjure up some pathetic prince charming parody. I'm pretty sure now that it means you're static, immobile, and just not changing. It's a kick in the face to grow up, basically

that said. I'm cracked out on 2 redbulls, can't begin to start studying for my railroads class because, well, it's a class about railroads, and wanting desperately to play some online game till that moment of desperation. viva la textwist!

noted: I'm starting to get really entrenched in homosexual/queer politics classes. This being my third class that's pretty deeply involved in sexuality and rights, I find myself really gravitating towards this aspect of society. I just find it so interesting because of the similarities to civil rights, 2nd wave feminism, etc, and the blindness of our society to perceive this. And I guess my own personal brainwash up till this point. Many a times last quarter I'd find myself in inebriated debates about sexuality with community college dropouts. I do fear sounding ignorant in intellectual settings, especially because I know first hand the tone that intellectuals take when dealing with the less learned.

The most interesting thing to date has been the analogy to religion that we were studying two weeks ago. I'll delve later, because it's really understandable and I don't want to forget this thought, but I want to comment on the accessibility of the analogy itself. My utter admiration is for people who don't alienate themselves with purely intellectual rhetoric, but try to translate academia into daily discourse. To bring things we study into public limelight is kind of essential when dealing with this stuff, because so much of it is based on consciousness. No consciousness can be gained when incomprehensible to those who are not in the same position.

I think open mindedness and understanding is everything. That's why writing is important to me, it's what brings people into common perception. It's a way to translate abstract ideas that go on in everyone's head, into something shared and real. And sometimes the medium of spoken communication is fake, it's a compromise of what you believe others will perceive as okay, and not the thought in purity. ok i need to really study damnit

Machiavelli

i've always liked the challenge more than the outcome. Whether it be the opposite sex, a job, a position..It's as if my only emotion was born from ambition. I can think of maybe 2 instances where I was sincerely attached to a final outcome. Does this make me some uncontrollable Machiavellian?

well I do get inspired. today I draw inspiration from Jill Scott's: A Long Walk. Though I prefer the acapella version Anthony performed this weekend, her version's aiight. jk, she has this seriously sexy undertone in everything she sings and the lyrics are pretty much what I want to scream to every potential other. Well, I think it's just the concept of sincerely connecting souls in a world that's too damn speedy. Ok, let's not ruin it

Or maybe we can see a movie
Or maybe we can see a play on Saturday (Saturday)
Or maybe we can roll a tree and feel the breeze and listen to a symphony
Or maybe chill and just be, or maybe
Maybe we can take a cruise and listen to the Roots or maybe eat some passion fruit
Or maybe cry to the blues
Or maybe we could just be silent
Come on, Come on

Let's take a long walk around the park after dark
Find a spot for us to spark
Conversation, verbal elation, stimulation
Share our situations, temptations, education, relaxations
Elevations, maybe baby, maybe we can save the nation
Come on, Come on