Although I hate finals

these are my lasts..

last round of red-bull sponsored all nighters

last night of scavenging clics for remnants of POTS

last week of looking like a bum, feeling like a bum, but loving it all the while

I feel like something should change after this. Like I'm supposed to guffaw the fuck out of 12 years of damn education

the truth is I'm scared shitless. I feel more lost, more alone, more undiscovered... than I was leaving hs four years ago.

4 years ago I had dreams pre-cynicism. 4 years ago I was blogging my highschool story in epic detail. 4 years I believed so strongly in the unbreakable bonds around me.

These last 4 years have flown by. The people have flown away. Everything's taking flight and I'm here, not really wanting to

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To my first year of asian sorrority, hectic revelle school leadership, and never-ending drunken fiascos with indistinguishable drunken people..cheers

To my second year of drinking, dancing, ART!, self discovery, damn good music..cheers

To my 3rd year of campus organizing, realizing the power of passion in a pcn, marching with beaming pride, understanding my roots..cheers

To my final year of humbled gratitude, understanding my responsibilities, working for my future, reading a lot more, writing some, pulling a 180 on all my former attitudes...

well we'll see how this turns out. Hopefully with a damn amazing career to premise a legendary life story

Is it so wrong

that I am sick of trying with people, that I just don't want to surround myself with anymore. I know everyone has to fake it, but that's what corporate america is for. Friendship is different, friendship should never be obligatory..

anyway, vegas was amazing. Good vibes all around, east coast people are pretty awesome. "Bunny hopped" across the brooklyn bridge, tried a McGangBang, made it rain with titty cards, and clubbed under the craziest influence, etc.

I have a full time job here now. That's hard to really grasp. I mean it's starting June and everything so I have a few months to try and understand it..but is this really my life now..it'd be good..

I dl-ed the album of one of my first year friends. He and I and a bunch of our buds used to go watch bright eyes, death cab, and mauled soma basically every week. His stuff sounds like bright eyes, but better. Folksy subtle stuff, the kind i love. I miss depth


"I know it may sound weird, but all of these things here, are things that disapear"