the rain is gone.

and all of a sudden it becomes clear to me why I've lived the nomadic life I have. Thoroughly frustrated with a clinically bipolar mother makes you adapt to every which situation with as much ease as possible. My ability to get up, leave, and cut people off, was of necessity when nobody could be trusted. One moment my mom would be joking about marijuana, the next she'll go ballistic on me about an infomercial, attacking the very core of my existence in the process. How do you avoid psychological trauma in a child growing up around that. You don't, they just kind of grow up differently. They learn to write, or draw (in my sister's case), and appreciate things that oft go unnoticed by the less jaded.

The instant I reacquainted myself with any form of family, the more likely they were to break my heart. And they always did/do.

Same with friends, boyfriends, sisters, "sisters", besties, whatever..humans are humans are flawed.

That's why I love you so, blog. You are my greatest inanimate lover, and the only thing that seems to make sense anymore. I want to take a week and just live by myself and for myself. I'm positive I'll get lonely, but I'm starting to think it's a good color on me.

It was nice having my cousins here for a little from Virginia. My uncle is a spitting image of the father I lost a lifetime ago. I miss him so, but maybe I miss the concept of family more. I definitely don't expect greatness to come of a leave it to beaver lifestyle, it's just something that's appealing from the outside looking in. My sister was talking to my cousin Aileen who was complaining about the strictness of her father. The thing that broke my heart, was my sister replied "appreciate it while you have it". For someone at that age to be so aware is something worth noticing. Okay, off to another life. Don't know where this car will take me, but it should be somethi worth writing about.