well, sex.

after a mind-numbing 3 hours straight of SATC, analyzing and reinterpreting everything relationship, and talking essentially 24 hrs straight about psuedo love w. mengyun, i'm over it.

I'm over the investing, over the games, over it. exerting a lot of myself into things that oft end up in some sort of grotesque adaptation of a cute teen flick gone awry is not my idea of fun. It's predictable, unproductive, and all too exhausting. Since when did all this mushy love stuff embody the bane of my existence... when did the hopeless romantic choose the antics of an all too common realist.

so it's june. essentially, marking 6 months of my all too successful single-dom. Cue chariots of fire, five piece bandstand, and nauseating confetti. It's quite a triumph really. This is the girl still paying off her $200 bet in 2007, on the failed grounds of staying single for a month. If you come this far, it's not healthy to so much as think about anything man. You come to cherish the quiet things- having time to do laundry, running on natural circadian rhythm, falling into unforgiving love affairs with ben&jerry's, and it's peace like that.

I've come to realize the two necessary aspects of my core are ambition/career, and relationships. If one is a roller coaster, the other better be calm waters, or i'm thrown off. The last few months, both have uncharacteristically been out of order. Now that my summer seems orderly- gimme my social ruckus already



"Give me freedom. Freedom from a system that plasters me senseless to some male counterpart. That renders me defenseless as only a part of a whole. With words by Simone lulling me to sleep not that lethal bite of lust defining my night, I'm free. With Kant's reasoning engaging my mind instead of future strangers convoluting my time, I'm free. Outside the periphery of companionship there's dimensions unchartered. Terrain exposed, why choose the broken road? Because it's warmer? Your hand grasping closed the one you could love? Because it's safer, knowing you have a same leveled someone, if only for a second. Fuck it, give me the road that leads to greatness, dodge distractions of the physical, and let me run to that open field of success. Pave my path to the dazzling unknown and I will gladly walk it alone."