i feel like

I should feel. Like this is the right song I should dance to but I'm a wallflower. Like this is the right cause to protest but I'm motionless.

well 8 years is a long time. and in that time, nothing

nope. not much at all. I'm the same kid asking for the same things, not knowing where to go when life rains on your hood-less sweater. The same kid who freaks the fuck out when it comes to being there for them, when it comes to growing up, throwing away the peter pan vhs, when it comes to understanding tears "and shit", when it comes to everything outside my grasp.

well I can't say I miss you, because that assumes I knew you. and I knew you, but can't admit that I did. So had I known you more, I'm sure I'd miss you now, is the best I can do.

I think I knew you more than I let on though. Not the details, and I rest so desperately on details. But the movement of the "back then". I'm sure I could fake it. Sincerity was never my forte it's true. It's because I could never analyze a person outside of the way I've projected them onto me. You are wonderful because I'm so and so in relation to you. Point B only exists because point A is 45 degrees above it. Otherwise a singular point is infinitesimally tiny, invisible.

and still I'm analyzing you through me. can't I appreciate you through you? That's how your idea has conditioned me. That's what 8 years does. Leaves me forgetful and detached..behind crude calculations. Well, there there

I miss..
I wonder more than miss though. I really do. I can't even see your face. I think you were great, because it'd be horrible for someone to die if they were never great. People hope to god, that everyone lives in the scope of purpose. Well some people just die circumstantially, without achieving recognition, without even seeing their kids go to college. They just disappear like they never existed, stupid Eric clapton, why go and romanticize recycled matter with another timeless pop song

Yes some authors are immortalized once dead. Some leaders are worshiped only as a concept after they pass. But some run of the mill people, some of your average joe's, great heart but not great enough greg's, kind but not charismatic chris', are forgotten. And it's horrible to think, because society says some things are horrible to think, but I think those things. sometimes